Sick of the Sacrifice

How often have you thought, I’ve given you everything I’ve got people—only to get asked to give even more?

 Yeah, that’s what I thought.

So today we’re allowing ourselves some space to vent about the constant sacrifice that is motherhood and then put it all in perspective so we’re better—not bitter.

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Episode 17

Today we’re getting unmasked right out of the gate. If you find yourself feeling sick of the sacrifice that is motherhood then pull up a chair and let’s talk about it

Hello and welcome to episode 17 of Motherhood Unmasked. Whether it’s you’re first time visiting or you’re a regular, I’m so glad you’re here.

About a month ago, while responding to notifications on my @motherhoodunmaskedpodcast IG profile, I noticed a like from someone new. And as is my custom I went to her profile to see what she’s about.

Her posts share her mom journey and the one that stuck out to me said, “I love my kids, but they suck! How are we gonna survive this? 23 hours of labor and this is the crap you give me?”

And I thought to myself THIS momma is sick of the sacrifice and I felt for her! NO ONE but another momma knows what it’s like to give of yourself in every sense of the word—womb and all. And you’re doing well if you get a “thanks mom,” a quick side hug and a smile or better yet, a dinner someone else prepared.

That blessing of a child has no idea what it costs you to be his momma. And Baby girl has no clue what you defer in order to make sure her needs are met. A mother who works her craft is priceless—the most unsung of heroes and here we are sacrificing again for our babies.

They say you can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip, but 2020 sure is trying. This year has asked more of you than you thought your own kids could!

Now your kids are back in school and guess who’s the one primarily overseeing their remote learning while working from home? Or guess who is lotioning them down with sanitizer every morning before sending them off to school? You and me along with 54% of women recently surveyed who say they’re doing the same.

With all we do already we’re back to this again.

And while we LOVE our children, there are times when you and I are sick of the sacrifice.

I’m not talking about moms who give birth in a parking lot and keep it moving like it never happened. I’m talking about you. The one who gets up early and goes to bed late.

You, the one Who doesn’t get a good moment to herself. You Who HAS to work a full time job so everyone eats and still somehow manages the house and everyone in it. You Who gave up your career to put your family first.

I still remember my excitement as I wrapped up residency.

I looked forward to getting a good government job in maternal child health where I could do what I love and pay off my medical school debt. Then I conceived our oldest and started sensing the most ridiculous thing—to leave medicine and take care of my own child.

I knew that must have been delusional because certainly Jesus knew the years I’d been in school and how much it cost. Surely he could have told me this a long time ago, so this must be some weird morning sickness symptom no one told me about.

But the sense just go stronger till the thought of me—and I’m just speaking for myself—the thought of spending so many hours on the health and well being of children NOT my own disturbed me so, that I shared it with my husband and, long story short, here we are.

But that doesn’t mean I skipped off into happy homemaker land, loving every step of the way.

NOT AT ALL.

So many times, particularly when dealing with a certain son who shall remain nameless, I had full blown fits questioning God about why He wanted me to stay home?

There are plenty of working female physicians who have families. Besides, We could have used the money as a young family. And yeah the adult conversation and sense of accomplishment would be nice too but you know what also hurt?

Losing the prestige associated with practicing medicine.

Real talk. People perk up when you say you’re a doctor—a stay at home mom—not so much.

And while I KNOW how I work my craft in one day as a mother would runs circles around a day in my life as a doctor, I’ve often wondered is all this constant sacrifice worth it? Will this all ever pay off?

And deep down that still small voice reminds me that (1) these years of sacrifice, though many and compounded by the number of children, will not last. These kids will grow up and get out on their own—because adult children at home will not be my husband’s and my testimony.

And I want to do motherhood the way I want to live my life—to finish on E, to have no regrets. And that means giving it all I’ve got because there are no do overs.

And (2) that same small voice whispered my sacrifice is a long game investment.

Motherhood is like the stock market. You don’t sacrifice some and look for a return the next week. No, you hold onto that stock for years and you watch it go up and down, sometimes way down.

And when that happens, you rue the day you had that child—I mean left that career—I mean bought that stock—but if you stay faithful you get the increase in the end.

Your child may be near adult before you see anything promising, but all that sacrifice will reap the reward of an amazing young adult ready to tackle the world on his or her terms. So yeah the sacrifice sucks, and now you’re juggling so many balls some of them fall to the ground and no one’s there to help pick them up but trouble don’t last always.

This too shall pass.

And controlling what you can, when you can, goes a long way in helping you cope.

I hit the wall recently when all the confusion about how distance learning in our school became too much. And I had to reach back into our old homeschool days for practical tips to keep me sane as I help my kids navigate the unknown while getting my own work done.

And because they helped structure my perspective and approach to this unusual school year, I wrote the tips out in a handy one sheet to share with you.

Get your free copy at vinelifefaith.com/resources so that your children have a successful school year and you’re productive at home while everyone stays sane.

And while we’re on the topic of kids, if knowing what to say when praying for your child is a challenge for you, the resource page is also where you’ll find my “Pray for your child” prayer template that makes what to say easy because it’s all based on psalm 139.

So, check that out on vinelifefaith.com/resources because if there were ever a time our children needed prayer—it’s certainly now.

I hope this episode gave you a chance to vent, regroup, and remember the why behind all you do as a mom. You truly are invaluable. And the investment you make will see returns generations down the line. So, remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.