Episode 32

Motherhood Unmasked with Vanessa A. Harris Episode 32 Embracing Your Family

…even the irritating parts

Let’s face it. Your family, especially the ones you live with, can be difficult to like. The things that make them unique are the very things get on your nerves. And that makes loving them—stressful!

We’re closing out Season 3 with a side hug from me to you and some encouragement on how to embrace the things about your loved ones that often frustrate you.

Can you use some harmony at home?

Homework: Celebrate Loved Ones at Home

Make that list about your family members I talked about in the episode. Can you find the bright side?

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Episode 32 Transcript

Have you ever thought to yourself who are these people and how are they related to me?
I feel you. I’ve been there, done that, and in Episode 32, we’ll talk a bit about how to embrace what frustrates us about the ones we love.

Hey there, Mama Bare. Vanessa here with compassion, candor and clarity for you, the mom who believes faking it behind a mask is for chumps and you’re a champ.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Listen, I’m back with my set up in tack, enjoying power and clean water in the aftermath of Winter Storm Uri.
And while that’s our story in Texas, many here are still recovering, so if you’re the praying/helping kind, we’d appreciate both.
If you’ve been following the podcast for a while you know I’m a big believer in self-care—especially for mamas.
And for me that looks like taking breaks from producing the podcast every 10 episodes or so.
And today is the 10th episode of season 3.
That went fast, didn’t it?
Nothing like a pandemic and a weird winter storm to make time fly—but here we are.
So I’ll be off for a while but I won’t be off the grid.
If you’re on my email list, you’ll hear from me weekly about what’s going with me and what I’m planning for you.
And if you’re not on my list, just sign up at vinelifefaith.com/podcast.
It’s free and I’m too busy to spam you, so no fear there.
And of course, I’d love to connect with you on Instagram at motherhood unmasked podcast.
It’s also the quickest way to send me a message about what’s on your mind.
And hey, if it’s been a while since you’ve taken a break—in any sense of the phrase—think about what that could look like for you and make. it. happen. You deserve it!
So, last episode we talked about the importance of embracing who you are so you can be your authentic self for the people you’re meant to impact.
Check out episode 31 if you missed it but today we’re talking about a carryover effect of embracing who you are and that’s embracing the members of your family.
Because if you don’t like yourself or you allowed others to convince you you’re not likable, it’s going to be super hard to appreciate what makes others tick—especially the ones you live with.
And there’s no one like family members to either function as your mirror or your sand paper—wouldn’t you agree?
I mean if you have a child that’s a mini you, you know what I’m talking about.
And Im not referring to looking like you, but acting like you.
And the humbling aha moment when you realize the stuff they do that irks you is the SAME thing you do, but it hits a little different when you’re on the receiving end.
Yeah just go ahead and say amen or say ouch.
I’ve been there. I also know what it’s like to marry a man who’s your COMPLETE opposite which adds a whole other layer of flavor to the adventure of two becoming one.
So how DO you become one with someone who just by being himself rubs you the wrong way?
Well one, you accept that his wiring is just as wonderful as yours—though different.
And two, embracing the truth he’s not on this earth nor in your life to make you miserable.
I know It may FEEL like that’s his mission sometimes, but there is a method to what you see as his madness.
But it takes time and curiosity to appreciate his difference isn’t designed to hinder you but enhance you—to be the salt to your pepper so that whatever you tackle together works better than either one of you attempting it on your own.
Can you tell I recently celebrated an anniversary?
Anyway, when it comes to your kiddos, their difference brings out the best in you—minus your selfish bits.
And while we like those bits, the sooner we appreciate their “gift” the sooner we drop the weight of selfishness that so easily trips us up.
And just in case you’re wondering, I don’t always get this right.
Sometimes I just want everyone in my house to be just like me so we can all get along and do things things the way I think they should be done.
And when I get yanked out of that dream I’m left with the choice to dig in and get to know my peeps.
To find out what makes them tick and what I can learn from them.
This week’s homework is making another list, but this time looking at the things about your hubby and kids that get on your nerve and instead of complaining about them, jotting down how those things compliment you.
Might be a stretch, I know, but the exercise will set the stage for creating harmony at home when you see your people as blessings instead of burdens.
My family is an interesting bunch for sure.
I’m an introvert, my husband’s an extrovert and our three kids are on different spots along the continuum.
But those broad terms don’t tell the whole story.
We have temperaments and blends of temperaments that explain why my version of introversion looks so different from my oldest’s.
And that understanding has helped to keep us all from harboring resentment over expressions that are a matter of wiring versus malice.
I learned about temperament theory as a new bride—about the same time I learned the 5 languages—and it’s been a godsend not only in terms of me embracing my unique bent, but also for navigating all of my relationships—with my parents, my siblings, my husband, my children and my friends.
And has served to eliminate much of life’s relationship drama that really comes down to mis-understanding yourself and others.
We’ve shared temperaments with people as we moved around the country as a military family and I never cease to be amazed at the light bulbs that go off for people and the number of times we’ve heard “oh that’s why you do that!”
And recently I started working on an online course to share temperaments with even more folks because I’ve seen the power of understanding first hand.
But as you know, adding another ball to your motherhood juggling routine is only worth it if people want it.
So, if understanding yourself and others to make for a more harmonious home life and life, in general, intrigues you, join my interest list so you’re the first to know when the course is available.
You can find it at vinelifefaith.com slash podcast.
And Listen, don’t be a stranger during the podcast hiatus. Look for me in your inbox or on Instagram so you know when the next season starts.
And remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.