Nurture Series Part II: How Do You Nurture Your Self-Worth?
It’s said we teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.
What does where you rank yourself on your priority list communicate to others about your self-worth? And what standard does that set for your children-especially your daughter?
In this episode we’re talking about living a life that reflects you matter too.
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Homework: How will you invest in you?
Brainstorm your ideas from simple to shoot for the stars. Then read What A Girl Wants to make sure you didn’t miss anything. You’re worth it!
Missed part I of the nurture yourself series? Listen HERE.
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Episode 36 transcript
Self-care is more than weekly pampering; it’s caring for your soul day in and day out. And in Episode 36 of Motherhood Unmasked we’re talking about how nurturing your self-worth is as much a life lesson for you as your children. Let’s get into it!
Hey there, Mama Bare. Vanessa here with compassion, candor and clarity for you, the woman who finds others worthy but struggles to see it in herself. Lady, I’m so happy you’re here!
Now right off the top I’m going to admit this is a tough episode for me because I’m coming off a week from hell as a mom. The kind that causes you to question if anything you’ve taught your kids and modeled before them all these years made a difference. The kind of week that makes you question if you have any business pouring into other moms.
If you listened to the last episode, you know I’m doing a miniseries on nurturing yourself.
I’d already planned to address self-worth is this episode. But after last week I felt anything but worthy. And while I felt tempted to switch to something else or to drop the topic altogether, I took it as a chance to do what I talked about last week and look at how I saw myself.
And I realized I saw myself unworthy to get behind this mic because I felt like a failure.
Because when you base your worth on what you do, then you define your worth by outcomes. And since no one walking this earth today is perfect then well, your self-worth fluctuates based on your wins and losses. And there’s no joy in that.
So I had to remember my value is not in what I do but in what was done for me.
When Jesus died on the cross in my place because he loved me and connected with my plight, he established my value by deeming me worth investing his life. And nothing—not even my real or imagined mom fails can undo that.
That’s why self-perception is so important. Because it forms the basis of your self-worth.
You only invest in what you deem worthy. That’s why you work hard to send your children to the best school or to provide them with the best education at home. That’s why you read books to your kids and try to feed them well-balanced meals. Because they’re precious to you and you want the best for them.
But are you precious to you?
You were a whole person before you became a mom. Do you value that woman? Does she still matter to you and is she worthy of your investment?
Because as you heard my sad story earlier it is sooo easy to make being a mom your identify till you tie your whole worth to your quote unquote success as a mom. Then you look up one day when your kids are out of the house and you’re wandering around looking for meaning in life.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not going there. Because if the pandemic did nothing else, it made me want to live in every sense of the word.
And that means feeding me while I feed others.
So I joined a group coaching situation in the middle of the crazy of 2020 because I needed a mentor, someone to pour into me, especially with all I was pouring out.
Having someone who’s also invested in my personal growth and who took the guesswork out of it by providing different development tracks I tailored to fit my needs helped me make myself a priority. And even when I didn’t have the bandwidth for all that—the access to the Facebook community of women encouraging me fit the bill just fine.
So, I’m taking this moment to shout out Chrystal Evans Hurst and my Inner Circle sisters for creating a safe place for transparency and growth.
This week’s homework is starting the habit of investing in you.
So, what do you do that’s just for you?
Small things count like when I bought myself lunch to celebrate the first birthday of this podcast.
The lunch wasn’t the big deal it was having a house full of kids distance learning and a hubby working from home and me buying myself lunch without feeling bad I’m not buying everyone else lunch too.
I bought cupcakes for us to celebrate the achievement and their support, but this was just for me. And I wasn’t going to hide in my car scarfing it down either! So even though my daughter wanted me to join her during her lunch break, I let her know I’d be picking up my lunch before I came back to eat with her.
I didn’t have an ounce of guilt letting her know I’m treating myself for an achievement I worked hard on.
And she tried with the whole “ooo can I ride with you”—even though I told her I wouldn’t buy her one thing. She kept hope alive, but she watched me order and bring that food home and eat it while we talked.
And though that’s a small example, it’s one of those moments that gave her permission to do the same someday down the road when she becomes a mom. To invest in her morale and intellect purely as a woman.
So how do you nurture your self-worth?
Maybe it’s going back to school like a friend of mine and mom of 7 kids who just completed her masters of art in English.
Maybe it’s joining an accountability group because you’re great at starting projects but terrible at finishing and you’re worth the positive reinforcement.
Maybe it’s finding a mentor to help you grow in an area of struggle.
Maybe it’s taking a class online. I learned about the science of sleep from Matthew Walker on MasterClass when restful sleep became more of a dream than my reality.
Maybe it’s something as simple as regular walks alone while listening to an audiobook.
Whatever it is, brainstorm some ways you can invest in the other parts of your womanhood besides mom life.
And do yourself a favor and find ways other than getting your hair and nails done. I’m all for pampering but It’s amazing how developing yourself inside increases your bandwidth—especially as a mom. But whatever you do, don’t let the rest of you shrivel up on the vine called motherhood.
You’re that blessing to your kids and so much more.
If seeing yourself as worthy of investment is a struggle, then add this month’s article on my blog to your homework.
Every month I write to encourage you in an area of vulnerability for many women—especially those with daddy issues or who experienced maternal neglect. It’s not easy being the mom you want to be when the little girl in you is still suffering.
So, for May I addressed the two things every girl wants that when met, go a long way in establishing self-worth—even if you’re all grown up.
Look for the article “What a Girl Wants” under the blog tab at vinelifefaith.com. I’ll also link to it in the episode 36 show notes.
I hope our time together reminded you you’re just as worthy of the investment you put into your family. I’ll see you back here for another episode in this series on nurturing you.
And until next time I leave you with this—when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.