Episode 27

Lessons Moms Learned in 2020

2020 wasn’t the kind of year you say—well, that happened—and move on.

She’s more like the teacher in school you hated, but when you look back you realize you learned so much in her class.

So, in this episode we’ll review the lessons you learned in case there’s a re-test!

Homework: Review Lessons Learned in 2020

What takeaways from 2020 can serve you going forward? Ask your children what they discovered about themselves regarding:
(1) how best they learn
(2) the type of schedule that works best for them and
(3) their ability to drop the mask in favor of authenticity.

Connect with Vanessa!

Do you know why I call you Mama BARE? Because you’re unmasked and unapologetic in admitting motherhood is tough, and you appreciate conversation that honors that.

So, connect with me for more support, empowering the best version of you as a mom.

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Episode 27 transcript

2020 was like the teacher in school you hated but when you look back you realized you learned so much in her class.

Those are the teachers that are hard to forget and at the close of January 2021, I invite you to chew on the lessons 2020 taught you so you won’t have to repeat the class. But should you have to retake the TEST—you’ll be ready.

Let’s get into episode 27—shall we?

Hey there Mama Bare, Vanessa here with compassion, candor and clarity for you, the mom battling overwhelm and craving real talk. And girl, I’m so glad you’re here.

By the way, when I call you girl it’s a term of endearment as in short for girlfriend.

If you’re a regular, you get that, but I clarify in case it’s your first time hearing the show—and welcome btw—but I clarify so you don’t take it as me demeaning you as a woman.

It’s precisely because of our shared struggles and triumphs as moms that I feel connected enough with you to dispense with the formalities.

Aaaaanyway I think we can agree 2020 wasn’t the kind of year where you say “well, that happened and move on.”

It changed you in some way.

Dare I say many ways. You personally, but also in your approach to motherhood.

But on the mom front I think there are three concerns common to all moms.

And Ms. 2020 messed with all three.

So let’s do it in a countdown style starting with number 3 on the list.

#3 Education

Where and how are kids get educated is something always on our radar.

And like it or not, the where and how was on you last year.

Overnight you became the teacher, the teacher’s aide, the school counselor, the tutor, or all of the above.

But I hope after the shock of it all you recognized the opportunity to see HOW your child learns best.

Maybe you were surprised to find out school was overwhelming to your child.

As long as he hears the material explained and can see examples on screen he’s good.

Having other kids around actually distracts and slows him down. So he thrived learning online.

But maybe you received confirmation your daughter must learn with peers in a structured setting.

She needs classmates, routine and that classroom pace to stay motivated and on track.

In any case, 2020 taught you to cater to your child’s educational needs—not social norms.

Maybe it meant keeping your child virtual even when the face to face option resumed because she excelled at home.

Maybe it meant buying manipulatives to help your son understand math because you discovered he’s a kinetic learner. So he needs to touch things to understand concepts.

But the nuggets you learned about how your kids learn best weren’t just intel to help them survive 2020.

They’re gold that will serve them lifelong as you help them appreciate how they learn best.

So that if and when they return to school buildings, you both know how to supplement their education for optimal success.

Because the education system, as it exists now, is one size fits all and I will say it till you get it—your child is not like everyone else. So don’t treat them that way.

#2 Activities

I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a minor—maybe major—meltdown when you realized all the activities you’ve been shuttling your kids to for years were shut down or severely restricted last year.

If you’re like many moms in the US, you figured out how to schedule every moment of your child’s day whether for your sanity, or scholarship opportunities, or because that’s what all the moms do at your kids’ school.

And I get it when it comes to teens.

I have two basketball players in my house.

Getting to go to school for practice was a sanity saver for them.

But two year olds?

Toddler sports are some of THE MOST comical experiences. But last year you learned plain old play and creativity works wonders.

No competition or medals involved, just going in the backyard to pretend play soccer or shoot on a mini hoop, draw chalk art on the sidewalk or play with the orbees she harassed you for two years ago—oh wait that’s my daughter never mind.

The point is you saw how complicated you made your life with all the activities and Ms. 2020 taught you to keep it simple sista.

Am I saying activities and sports are bad?

Not at all.

With the prevalence of obesity in America increasing we need our children active.

But active and having every second of your life scheduled are two different things.

There’s something to be said for coming up with ways to entertain yourself, for good ole throwing the football in the backyard, and for stillness.

Who knows what your child may create?

My kids stick to one sport or activity and while my daughter is in between activities she’s been creating games left. and. right.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she worked for Hasbro someday or better yet, started her own game company because she’s made up numerous games from scratch or modifies the rules of existing games.

Would’ve never known that was in her if we hadn’t built breathing room into our schedule.

And that brings me to the number 1 thing I think all moms learned in 2020.

#1 Keep it real with your kids

Whether you wanted your children to know or not, they figured out you don’t always have it altogether.

They saw you unravel under the increasing demands and restricted movement and you had to confess it was a hard year for you too.

You had to drop the mask and admit you don’t have all the answers, you can’t be there for everybody else all the time, and that the state of the world is a lot worse than you let on.

There were events that went on last year—even this year—that you couldn’t downplay.

You had to discuss them.

And give room for your children to ask questions and express their thoughts on the matters.

And that should never go away.

In episode 15, I talked about you being your kids first and best teacher and I stand by my statement.

Going forward, you’re still your child’s best advocate when it comes to making sure their educational needs are met, teaching them the value of living a less cluttered life, and creating space to share both their honest feelings and their perspectives on cultural issues.

Bottom line Ms 2020 taught you the importance of something I’m always telling my kids: keep the baby and throw out the bath water.

How to keep the main things the main things, while letting go of what no longer serves you so you can live your life even under the most extreme circumstances.

HOMEWORK

This week’s homework is pretty simple. Talk with your kids about what they discovered about themselves with regard to

1)how best they learn

2)the type of schedule they’d like when things open back up and

3)their ability to drop the mask in favor of authenticity

I have a feeling their answers might surprise you.

If you’re on IG connect with me @motherhoodunmaksedpodcast.

I would love to hear from a fellow Mama Bare and until next time remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any medical questions.