Being a mom is a journey with many ups and downs, especially with daughters. Whether you grew up feeling close to your mom or your mom was emotionally distant, developing a relationship with your daughter can feel hard.

Good relationships are not genetically passed on. Each mom and daughter must work on it.

Sometimes, it feels like no matter what we do, we can’t win. And as I mentioned in a recent video, that can leave us feeling hopeless.

So, what’s helpful to keep in mind as we walk through the challenges and joys of being a mom to a daughter?

TRYING TO CONNECT

When I was 15, I didn’t like my mom because I felt she didn’t like me. And she didn’t seem to like being a mother. Now, my 15-year-old daughter dislikes me for being an invested mom—when she’s not telling me how much she loves me.

It’s hard to know what to do in these situations.

You want to connect with your daughter, but it’s tough figuring out how. She’s at the age where spending time with anyone else is more fun than spending time with you.

That makes the relationship even more intense, with complex emotions on both sides.

But as a mom, it’s your responsibility to model what pursuing healthy relationships looks like. An even bigger challenge for moms, like me, who experienced emotional abandonment.

And when dealing with teens, it’s a tricky balance between setting rules and keeping a loving connection.

A story about a mom in Texas whose daughters allegedly tried to stab her because she turned off the Wi-Fi shows how quickly things can go wrong when we don’t communicate well.

Something went wrong in that home long before the mom turned off the Wi-Fi.

THE NEED FOR COMMUNICATION

Talking is very important in any relationship, but it’s especially important between moms and daughters. If we can’t share our feelings and needs, it can lead to misunderstandings.

The Texas story shows what can happen when generations of women don’t know how to talk to each other.

And juvenile detention is not the place to learn positive communication skills. So, it’s unlikely the family dynamic will be any better off when they release the daughters.

It would be up to their mother and grandmother to develop new communication habits.

As our child’s first teacher, we need to teach our daughters how to talk about their feelings.

This means having tough conversations and making sure our daughters feel heard. And us learning how to listen with empathy.

It’s about creating a space where we can talk openly, even about hard topics. This isn’t easy, but it’s very important for building trust in the relationship.

BUILDING CONFIDENCE

Speaking of building, a lack of confidence is a struggle for daughters of any age. A touching movie called “The Life List” shows the importance of moms believing in their daughters.

In the movie, a dying mom guides her daughter on a journey of self-discovery. A journey to help her daughter pursue the life she wants, not the one she’s settled for.

And unlike the news story, this fictional storyline highlights a mother-daughter relationship of mutual admiration and affection.

Both scenarios highlight the importance of showing up as a mom, even when it’s hard.

It’s about being present, setting rules, and caring for our children. It’s about leaving a legacy that will guide our children even after we’re gone. This kind of effort takes dedication, but the rewards are huge.

I’m rooting for you,