Episode 28

Intentional Motherhood

None of us moms “knows” what we’re doing. Motherhood doesn’t come with a map, but we can influence who our children become and their impact in the world.

If you’re just surviving your child’s journey from embryo to eighteen, this episode helps you pause from the overwhelm and think about your #momgoals.

Because, if you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.

And the truth is, you have generations to impact. Did that last part catch you off guard. Then lean in, click play, and let’s talk about it.

Motherhood Unmasked with Vanessa A Harris Episode 28 What's the Goal Here?

Homework: Write Your Motherhood Mission Statement

Nothing fancy, just a short paragraph describing your mom goals with your legacy in mind.

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Episode 28 transcript

They say the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

But I say the hand that rocks the cradle impacts generations.

It’s in the about statement wherever you’re listening to this podcast episode.

And I invite you to dig into that a little more with me today.

Hey there Mama Bare! This is Vanessa with compassion, candor and clarity for you, the mom craving real talk about the challenges you face.

And I’m so glad you’re here.

So, we’re more than halfway through season 3 and if I had to describe the season in a word it would be—intentional.

All the episodes thus far challenged us to think about our approach to motherhood and how to address threats to the integrity of our families.

In episode 23, we discussed the considerable effort it takes to make your blended family a cohesive unit rather than a jumbled mess.

Then in Episode 24, we walked that fine line between acknowledging the overwhelming aspects of motherhood and mislabeling our children.

Episode 25 was tough.

We stepped back and looked at our families for patterns, then asked ourselves if the patterns serve us or sever us, and what we were going to do about it.

And episode 26 reminded us to follow through on our decision.

Last episode we checked our “I survived 2020” personal archives to gather up any nuggets of wisdom she had for us.

And today, armed with your intel, I ask you in the words of Diana Ross, “Do you know where you’re going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?

And in asking you what’s the goal here, I do so with the goal of this podcast in mind.

Motherhood Unmasked is all about helping you appreciate motherhood is more than getting your child from embryo to eighteen.

This podcast is like a constant nudge reminding you that you’re impacting generations through your approach to motherhood—whether you intend to or not.

Because you never know who you’re raising, who your children will connect with in life and the influence they’ll have on others.

Beyond their own children, your child will have degrees of influence on peers and coworkers they meet along the way—even the clerk at the grocery store checkout.

And as a mom, you have the unique ability to affect the thumbprint your child leaves in the world.

And that’s a sobering and challenging concept to embrace when you’re drowning in the minutia of motherhood.

If you’re like me, you’ve lost count of the days you merely crawled through.

Whether it’s cranky toddlers and piles of laundry or attitudinal teens making poor choices—we all have days, even seasons, that we struggle through.

But what keeps you grounded? Are you merely surviving motherhood or do approach it with intention?

What’s your goal when it comes to parenting?

Is it to raise kids who grow up, get a job, move out and give you grandkids some day or are there values and character qualities you want to instill in them?

Because it’s one thing to grow up and pay your own bills.

But showing up in the world as the best version of yourself is a whole different thing.

And that doesn’t just HAPPEN, don’t you agree?

It takes intention.

But I don’t say that to burden you with your child’s destiny.

Lord knows birthing them was hard enough. And while their outcome is not your responsibility, parents certainly play a part.

But the reality is when it comes to influence, no one else comes close to the weight yours carries with your children.

So this is just me asking if you’re using it.

Because being intentional is not about being the perfect mom. It’s about mothering with the end in mind.

Do you know what you’re aiming for in your parenting?

Cause here’s the thing. The dysfunctional family dynamics we talked about a few episodes ago?

They develop because of a lack of intention.

People who won’t deal with their issues and others who wont hold them accountable for it.

And they leave the next generation holding the bag.

So…if you’re tired of watching your family wander in circles, then what’s your preferred destination?

And even if you didn’t grow up in a family with issues you need to pivot from—your children are the next generation.

Where are they headed? Do you have a destination—one with your mission in mind?

My husband is a retired officer in the United States Coast Guard and he can tell you the crew never took a cutter out for a destination less cruise.

They headed to an area with a particular mission in mind.

Now while in the area, other missions popped up needing their attention but never at the expense of the main one.

They dealt with issues as they came while keeping the main thing, the main thing.

And don’t surprises pop up on your motherhood journey?

Whether it’s discovering you’re an introverted mother with extroverted kids—or vice versa.

And the strain of connecting with them makes loving them complicated.

Or you find out your child is either gifted or has a learning disability.

And making sure you meet their educational needs is both challenging and time consuming.

Or you studied and trained for years to become a physician, only to marry a military officer, and start a family before realizing your family is your priority.

And you constantly make peace with the price you paid to walk away from a career you once prized.

Or better yet, a WHOLE pandemic forces you to be still and SEE yourself, and the people you live with—without distractions.

And the truth of it all is too much to take in.

So when these issues pop up, what steadies you?

What’s the mission that keeps you focused?

The compass helping you maintain course in choppy waters?

What’s the thing that if you had to forego everything else for sanity’s sake, is the goal you’d keep working toward when it comes to your kiddos?

Because as they say, if you aim at nothing—you’ll hit it every time.

Till heaven forbid you look at your child one day and wonder—who are you and what have you done with my child?

And by no means am I saying that if you’re an intentional mom, your kids will turn out just as you hoped.

I’ve had my fair share of dumbfounded expressions over one of my kids’ antics that left me questioning my whole approach to parenting.

But then I remember my husband and I are just like the rails they put up on kids lanes at the bowling alley.

We aim them in the direction they should go, but they can still jump the railing if they choose.

Because my husband and I aren’t the only ones speaking into them.

Their peers, the internet and influencers on apps have their say despite our kids’ structured access to them.

And then there’s that classic pre-teen and teenage tendency to think they know best.

But the point is they’ll never be able to claim ignorance and say we never showed them the way.

And you know what?

That’s a reality I can live with, knowing we’re doing our best.

This week’s homework is writing your motherhood mission statement.

Nothing fancy, just a short paragraph describing your mom goals with your legacy in mind.

Mine is to raise children who know they’re known and loved by God, know they were born on purpose with purpose, and who seek to use their gifts and talents to live it out.

Now your mission statement won’t be just like mine.

It may be nothing like mine.

And that’s quite alright. Because first off, it’s not like you’re turning in this homework assignment for a grade.

And second, like I say at the end of every episode, you’re the mother of your children.

I’m just being vulnerable and sharing mine—as a sample to give you an idea of what I mean by a mission statement.

Will I hit the mark on mine? God only knows.

But my mission statement is the measuring stick I use for the day to day decisions concerning my kids.

And this week I invite you to work on yours.

Of course, it may take you more than a week, especially if you’ve never given this thought before.

But if this concept resonates with you, I encourage you to write one up.

And just in case you’re thinking it’s too late for all this. No, it’s not. It’s never too late to do what you believe is right.

I’m so grateful you joined me for today’s episode.

This one was a challenge for me.

Partly because I’m exhausted and mostly because I’m so passionate about you owning your legacy, the impact you have on generations.

And I wanted this to inspire and encourage you without any judgment.

I hope I succeeded.

Let me know on Instagram @motherhoodunmaskedpodcast. If you’re not already, go ahead and follow me so you know when I drop encouragement there along with announcements.

And as always if you’d like any of the resources I have for you, you can sign up for my free weekly email boost with all the links at vinelifefaith.com/podcast.

Now before you head off to script the legacy you hope will impact generations—please remember.

When it comes to you being the mother of your children—you are the woman for the job. Take care.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any medical questions.