Episode 57

Trauma is traumatic.

“Someone having it worse than you” doesn’t make your trauma less significant. And the fact that it happened as a child doesn’t mean it shouldn’t affect you now. So how do you respond to the pressure to “get over it?” Listen in.


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Just Get Over It

Hi there. If you’re a mom who experienced childhood trauma and finds raising your kids challenging, even triggering at times—this podcast is for you.

Just get over it. You’ve heard that before. As a child, when someone you loved, or at least trusted, said or did something cruel to you.

And the authority figure you told, hoping they would help, told you to get over it. Maybe they told you there are people with bigger problems in the world. Maybe you said it to yourself.

As a child, I was so aware of the pressure on my immigrant parents to not just get by, but thrive in this country that I didn’t want to burden them about my being molested.

But children are not supposed to bear burdens alone. A healthy childhood involves the freedom to share any way you’re wounded. And in response, receiving the compassion you need, along with a construct for interpreting what happened and a model for how to respond.

And most parents are not equipped to do all of that. But that isn’t the issue. There are professionals who are equipped. But it was up to your parent or responsible caregiver to prioritize your condition over their comfort and get you the help you needed.

Without that, you were left to fill in a lot of blanks which boiled down to believing your feelings, your voice, and your experiences don’t matter. But they did then, and they still do.

So now, when your toddler or your tween or your teenager shares their heart hurt, you struggle to sympathize, much less empathize. And you certainly don’t have the bandwidth to help them frame and process the experience because no one taught you.

And that’s why I’m so passionate about this podcast. It’s not about pointing the finger at your parents for how they scarred you or dropped the ball when someone else violated your trust. It’s about making the connection between how you processed it for your own survival, and how that negatively impacts you showing up as a mom today.

Because you can’t break a cycle, you don’t know exists.

Back in episode 38, I talked about nurturing yourself because one of the things I learned in therapy is the importance of being the mother and the advocate the girl in you didn’t have but desperately needed—and still does. Because you can’t give what you haven’t received and that little girl won’t stop crying till she’s healed.

So instead of getting over it—let’s get into it.

What did you need as a child? What did you say that no one heard or honored as important? What did you live with in silence for someone else’s comfort?

The way you get over the pain of what happened is by getting it out of you and into the light.

Journaling has been a godsend for me. You can write it how you feel it, and there’s no one else to tell you it doesn’t matter.

But you can also pray about it. One of the blessings of my relationship with Jesus is He wants to hear it all from me. Even though He already knows, He wants me to have the experience of trusting him with my story, knowing He is my healer.

And you can share it with a close friend and beyond that, a compassionate counselor who’s able to walk you through what self-nurture and parenting yourself looks like for you.

In my case, I also share on this podcast. I do it resisting the inner critic mocking me for telling my business for no reason. That nobody cares and this topic isn’t helping anyone.

But even if talking about moms healing from childhood trauma didn’t help anyone else—which I don’t believe for one minute—this podcast helps me.

Not only is my sharing removing the shame that silence enforces, with every episode I experience victory over trauma meant to victimize me. And to boot, I’m helping to normalize the conversation for women encouraged to be seen and not truly heard from the time you were little girls.

And light always overcomes the darkness, so I thank the Lord for the women and families strengthened by this podcast.

So, as you relive moments for the purpose of healing, instead of moving on as if it didn’t happen, move at the pace of grace. You’ve been practicing that “get over it” mentality for years. This new mindset will be like learning to walk—it’s going to take time. You haven’t done it before.

One memory may leave you in a puddle of tears, another, frozen in fear, another so mad you could spit fire. You may feel all the feels at one time. And in that moment you may say, “See, that’s why I need to just get over it and get on with my life. I hate that this affects me like this years later!”

But all of those thoughts and feelings are to be expected, so don’t bury them, bring them to people invested in your wholeness.

Dealing with your feelings is as awkward as learning to walk. The difference between now and when you were a toddler is, you didn’t know what to be afraid of then, like you do as an adult.

Tripping over your feelings is embarrassing. Toddling around feels unsteady. Feeling overwhelmed by all the steps you’re taking and falling on your knees to crawl for a bit feels like a setback. Like you’re letting yourself, your support and your children down.

But it’s all part of the process.

And as long as you get back up and keep walking, you’ll find yourself walking on what tried to overtake you.

If you struggle with acknowledging the weight of childhood trauma people told you to get over, check out the food for thought along with the show notes for this episode at motherhoodunmasked.com.

The abuse, neglect, the molestation, the rape, whatever the trauma you experienced as a child, doesn’t define you, but it did shape you. When you acknowledge that, you have a say in how it will shape you going forward.

I hope this episode encouraged you, but it’s no replacement for someone trained to help you process your traumatic childhood experiences. So stop by motherhoodunmasked.com for links to search for a trauma therapist.

And until next time, please remember. When it comes to you being the mother of your children, you are the woman for the job. I’m rooting for you. Take care.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any medical questions.


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