Episode 70 It’s Not Just You

It’s not just you, Mama Bare. Everybody has issues—even those who don’t have the courage to admit it.

So don’t you get free from old false narratives to get tied up in a new one.

Imposter Syndrome tried to label you, but you’re on your healing. Removing all the masks.

So who’s the imposter now? Let me tell you. 


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Healing the Girl in You


Real talk about how your relationship with your father affects how you show up as a woman and in your relationships—including your relationship with God.

Identity, security, confidence—it’s all covered here, highlighted by Vanessa’s own story and those of other courageous women who experienced childhood trauma and overcame.

Ready to get real and start to heal?


Hey there, Mama Bare! Where has the time gone? Here we are for episode 70, at the close of another season of Motherhood Unmasked. 


And I have had a wonderful time. I hope you have as well, unpacking this beast called Imposter Syndrome that wants to beat up everybody everywhere.

Imposter syndrome significantly hampers mothers like you and I, who, having experienced childhood trauma, need to navigate the healing process, so we’re the wiser for it.

And so we’re free to empower our children in their challenges, rather than watch them go through the same things we did. 


We have talked about prioritizing healing, the players we need in our circle, and the unhelpful people who need to be repositioned in our lives.

And regarding motherhood, I want to caution you about a common tendency that will undermine your freedom and place you in a new bondage.   

The bondage of owning stuff that’s not yours. 


When you spend a substantial amount of time looking at your issues, what was done to you, how it affected you, how you responded and how all of that shaped you into the woman you’ve become, there’s a tendency to make your childhood trauma the scapegoat for everything in your life.  

As if your childhood issues taint everything about you and are the sole reason for your challenges in raising your children or in any relationship dynamic.  

You know how you notice a car for the first time?

Maybe your friend bought one or it was your Uber driver’s and then from that point on, it’s like you see that make and model everywhere?

Well, people didn’t go rush out and buy the car just because you saw it. Your awareness it exists sensitizes your perception of it.

And when you become self-aware, realizing your childhood trauma has repercussions in your present, you’re more likely to see it as the cause of everything.

That’s especially the case if you’re surrounded by people who are not self-aware.

So, they blame others rather than take responsibility for their part.


But the truth is everybody has issues, weaknesses, and shortcomings.

Everyone sees life through their own faulty filter, causing them to misinterpret behavior and react inappropriately, just like you. 

And while as a mom, you lament the fact your children only see you as a mom—not as a woman with the full complement of needs and emotions they have—you also forget your children are imperfect.

I know. Your babies are beautiful, so are mine. But your babies have issues too.

And your childhood issues are not always the cause of theirs.  


Can your issues exacerbate their issues? Yes! Because of the way you respond to their behavior.  

You can respond to their rude comment or body language that isn’t because of something you did, yet you internalize it and react from your childhood wound triggered by it.

Ask me how I know?

And it is up to you to recognize when you’re operating out of your issue to avoid adding fuel to the fire.

So, you pump your brakes to acknowledge you still have inner work to do.  

But the work you have to do is regarding your insecurity, not your child’s misbehavior. 

That still needs to be corrected.


As the mother, your role is to help your child get to the root of their poor choices without assuming you are the root.  

You work on your stuff as your child works on hers while giving each other grace on the journey.  

That’s why in the Help A Sista Out episode, I talked about sharing what you’re learning in therapy with your children because they are also living life in a fallen world. 

Every day your children run into people who are not kind and their responses to those people are not always going to be ideal.

It doesn’t take many of those experiences to erode a child’s false sense of identity and create a slew of insecurities. 

And it’s a mess living in a house where everyone’s unaddressed insecurities are bumping into each other.

So it’s next level nurturing to circle back and share how what you’re learning in therapy shapes your perspective on the things you suffered in childhood. 

Because there’s nothing new under the sun.  

Yes, social media magnifies things to a degree you didn’t encounter when you were younger.


But people have been the same since the Garden of Eden.  

Mean people have always existed.

Now they have false courage and a keyboard, but hurt people hurting people has always been a thing.  

They just have more avenues to express themselves.

So your children experience their own wounds. Amassing their own set of traumatic experiences.  

Their trauma may not be physical like yours, but there is a level of mental anguish and emotional attack children deal with today, that you and I didn’t.

You could go home and leave the person messing with you right where they were standing.

Those cowards didn’t follow you home through a screen, bullying you in the comments, or threatening you in your DMs.


So, no doubt, there’s a level of emotional duress your children are under that you may not be aware of.

It’s wise, then, to be proactive and share the tools you’re gaining because they’ll need them sooner rather than later.

Things like dumping your thoughts and feelings in a journal instead of letting them stew inside of you.

And rooting your identity in something other than people’s opinions of you.

Personally, I teach my kids to root their identities in someone—Christ—and thankfully, he’s not shady. He does not change.

Quieting the noise is another one. Because no friend or foe needs 24-hour access to you.

And to be discerning about what you watch, who you listen to, and the people you hang around—because they either boost you or bring you down. 


So do offer a listening ear, compassion and counsel, but please avoid the tendency of mothers everywhere to come to the conclusion my child’s issue is my fault and I need to fix it.  

You may not say it out loud, but it is the default tendency of many well-meaning mothers.

I’m talking about the involved kind, not the ones who go about their business and abandon their children to the culture.

But mothers like you, who want the best for your child but show up with a mantra in the back of your mind that says I broke you and I need to fix you.  

No. Life breaks people.

But if you contributed to the breaking, then you need to own that and work on your part in the restoration.

But the wounds your child experiences from spending 8-9 hours a day at school exposed to other people’s issues, that’s not on you.

That is life happening to your child.

And when he comes home, be the safe person he can debrief with and give him support. 


But all this blame shifting people like to do where they blame everyone else for behavior born out of their refusal to get the help they need because they have an image to portray—that’s not your problem either.

Own your stuff and no more.

Whether it’s your children, your spouse, a friend, a co-worker, or whoever, don’t get free from old false narratives just to embrace new ones.  

Keep growing.

And encourage the people connected with you to do the same!


What a season it’s been here on Motherhood Unmasked!

I hope you enjoyed it and are inspired to keep investing in you, the woman, so you, the mom, are the most confident you can be. 

My regulars know I typically take a break after every season of Motherhood Unmasked, but I gotta tell ya, Mama Bare. This may be the last season.

I’m still praying, but that’s what I’ve been sensing.

But as much as I’ve enjoyed hanging with you in this format, I enjoy having a direct impact even more because you can develop specific strategies with someone one on one.

Inspiration without follow through is just information.

There’s something about prescriptions, guidance and regular follow up that I still love.

I guess you can take the girl out of practicing medicine, but you can’t take the principles out of the girl. 

That said, all seventy episodes will remain available, so keep sharing the podcast with moms you meet. 

And if you want to stay in the loop about how I’ll serve you after I take a break, sign up for my email list at motherhoodunmasked.com and click the “Connect with Vanessa” button in the middle of the page. 

And don’t worry, I won’t be bugging you all the time. I have the same chore list you do and a life to live.  

But I will pop in your inbox every other week to encourage you, share sneak peeks of what’s upcoming just for you, and a few mom life hacks here and there, because who couldn’t use a good shortcut? 

So sign up to get first dibs at motherhoodunmasked.com

As for this episode’s homework, it’s real simple. Go back and listen to any episodes you missed or need to hear again.

I’m proud of you, Mama Bare. Keep showing up and leaving a better legacy than the one you received.

And especially on those mom fail days when you feel like riding off into the sunset on your own, please remember.

When it comes to you being the mother of your children, there is no suitable replacement. You are the woman for the job. Take care.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any medical questions.

This Episode’s Homework

Need Help to Heal?

Therapeutic Tools

If you’re working through any kind of loss, the journal My Journey Through Grief and Loss helps you acknowledge the significance of your loss while honoring the memories you’ll always cherish.

And if you meet with a counselor or a coach, you need a journal to keep track of session breakthroughs and aha moments in between sessions. A copy of My Reflections Journal for guided post-session review would be perfect for you.

Let’s Stay Connected

Do you know why I call you Mama BARE? Because you’re unmasked and unapologetic in admitting motherhood is tough, and you appreciate conversation that honors that.

So, connect with me for more support, empowering the best version of you as a mom.

For encouraging bi-monthly emails and exclusive access to practical resources that help YOU shine, tap “COUNT ME IN.”

The Motherhood Unmasked Journal

A Journal Worth Your Story

160 pages waiting for you to fill it with the struggles and the wins on your motherhood journey!

And she’s pretty coming and going! Available on Amazon.

Got A Minute to Pray?

Got A Minute to Pray? Prayer channel on YouTube featuring prayers about a minute long written and read by Vanessa A. Harris.

New “PrayerTube” channel on YouTube

Features prayers about a minute long written and read by Vanessa. Start your week off right, with a prayer on Monday mornings. Because prayer changes things and you have a minute to spare.

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Copyright 2022 to date Vanessa A. Harris. All rights reserved.

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